Stress Happens – How You Deal With Stress Is By Design

Stress happens. 

The sooner we come to terms with that, the sooner we can move on to actually acknowledging it instead of denying its existence. That’s the biggest takeaway for me over the past few years of dealing with both stress and anxiety. 

You’re going to be stressed. You’re going to have anxiety. 

And if you’re a serial entrepreneur like me, you can bank on it. Launching a business is going to hit you with a steady stream of headaches, frustration, anxiety, strain, tension, and stress like few other endeavors. It’s still worth it, though. 

Take my experience building my first company, for example. While I was creating and growing Single Grain, I was slammed from all sides: hiring, growth expectations, financial strain, uncertainty, and more. I was stressed. 

Once I got the business established, I did what most of us consider the only solution for stress: I did something else. 

I sold Single Grain and took a “regular” job … but the stress soon returned. 

The typical advice you’ll see in articles and blog posts about stress mention things like exercise, family time, avoiding email in the morning, and a dozen other changes. And sure, those things might and likely do work. But most of us don’t have the time or energy to implement 15-20 little tweaks. 

We need advice on how to manage and live with stress.

The average stress level of Americans in 2015 was 5.1 on a scale of 1-10. Millennials scored highest with 6.0.

In 2019, chronic stress is considered an epidemic. Research by Everyday Health shows that nearly one-third of American adults have seen a doctor regarding stress, and 57% describe themselves as “paralyzed” by stress. 

The situation is similar in Canada: 25% of working adults list stress as the reason for leaving their job, and 73% of adults between 20-64 years of age cite at least some level of daily stress. 

Check the stats for virtually any country, region, or city, and you’ll see statistics in the same range. Stress is everywhere. 

And while not always bad, chronic stress can have a host of negative effects on us, including:

• Frequent headaches
• Insomnia
• Teeth grinding 
• Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
• Irritability
• Heartburn, upset stomach, and chest pains
• Anxiety and depression
• Sweating
• Low sex drive
• Compulsive behavior
• Mood swings
• And on and on

Ignoring it just makes things worse in the long-term. Over the years, I’ve tried a lot of tactics and tips to deal with my stress and anxiety. 

Here’s what did and didn’t work for me.

Accept That Stress is Going to Happen

I’ve mentioned this already, but it bears repeating: stress is going to happen. We’re taught to believe that we can proactively anticipate, control, and even eliminate stress with proper planning and the “right” attitude. 

We can’t. 

Things are going to be stressful. It’s inevitable. My best advice? Plan for it. 

For me, the first thing was just accepting that stress is inescapable. It helped lower the bar and made life better. I realized that everyone is stressing, and it’s okay to be stressed. It’s normal. It doesn’t make you weak or inferior to someone else. 

Accepting that immediately removed a tiny fraction of my stress and anxiety. I was no longer “stressed about being stressed.” 

“One of the best ways to reduce stress is to accept the things that you cannot control.” ~M. P. Neary

Recognize stress of any magnitude, over big and little things, and know that it impacts everyone regardless of education, career, wealth, background, location, and so on.

Stress and anxiety are the great equalizers. And there’s comfort in knowing that.

Take Time for Yourself

This is popular advice, but I’m going to deviate a little from the traditional wisdom. 

Take time for yourself … but do nothing. 

For me, this includes getting up earlier than anyone else in my house and just sitting with my morning coffee. I don’t meditate. I don’t listen to music or podcasts. I don’t watch videos.

I just sit.

Let your mind wander. Let things slow down to gain some perspective on your upcoming day, week, month, or year. 

This is free thinking time. Let your mind go where it wants to go, but don’t fixate on anything one thing. 

This simple habit has done wonders for me and my stress levels. Morning, afternoon, evening, middle of the night … find what and when works for you.

Peer Groups

There’s safety – and comfort – in numbers.

But, in my opinion, it has to be peers. Colleagues. Mentors. Individuals in the same boat as you, whatever that “boat” happens to be.

Find a network of people that share some common trait(s). It might be job title, industry, location, marital status, family composition, or whatever else. 

Then, make it a priority to get together on a regular basis to share stories, compare battle scars, and offer support to one another. 

I belong to Entrepreneurs’ Organization. It’s a global network of entrepreneurs, and we meet to share our top 5%, our bottom 5%, and to talk it all out. 

It puts things into perspective for you when someone is dealing with something truly monumental, or to see that others are having the same struggles as you. 

A quick online search will yield plenty of results regardless of your location or shared trait. Google “single dad groups Chicago” or “head of hr support groups Seattle,” for example. Check out Meetup to find online groups that frequently meet in person. 

If you can’t find what you’re looking for, start a group. Put a flyer up at your local library or community center. If you want a [blank] support group, you’re almost certainly not the only one. 

We’re social creatures. Find your tribe. 

Physical Activity

There is ample evidence to demonstrate the positive impact of exercise on the body and mind. In addition to the obvious benefits to our physical health, regular activity improves our mood, boosts energy levels, promotes better sleep, and more. 

Physical activity gets the heart pumping and releases the feel-good (and stress-combating) hormones called endorphins. If you’re stressed and anxious, there is arguably no better treatment. 

But, I would advise against a focus on goals or building a routine. That might just lead to additional stress if you fall short or miss a day. Aim for physical activity for the sake of physical activity. No more, no less.

Check out the 7-minute workout apps available for iOS and Android. Go to a yoga class. Take a walk. 

“The walking of which I speak has nothing in it akin to taking exercise, as it is called, as the sick take medicine at stated hours … but is itself the enterprise and adventure of the day.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Just 5-10 minutes of something physical each day can have a profound impact on your mood, stress, and anxiety. It’s not about losing weight, or building muscle, or preparing for that half-marathon. 

Get Better Sleep

Again, this is common advice. And with good reason.

Get better sleep. Consider:

• Over one-third of Americans don’t get the recommended seven hours each night
• 97% of teenagers, and 70% of college students, don’t get adequate sleep
• Sleep deprivation costs upwards of $411 billion annually
• Depression and lack of sleep are closely connected

Most experts recommend creating an adult bedtime routine that includes limited or no screen time, dimmed lighting, reading, listening to soothing music, spiritual practice, and/or lower temperatures, among other things. 

My routine includes taking the hour before bed to look over my calendar and plan for the next day. I use this time to determine what can and should be dealt with differently, such as a quick email instead of a meeting. This allows me to feel better prepared and less anxious about my upcoming day. 

I put away the devices (computer and smartphone) and other screens like television at least 30 minutes before I go to sleep. 

You may not always be able to get 7-8 hours each night, but long-term sleep deprivation is a serious condition that will most definitely increase both stress and anxiety. Make good sleep a top priority.  

Choosing the Best Health Professional for Your Mental Health Needs

Accessing a comprehensive doctors email list can be a valuable tool for stress management. With the ability to connect with medical professionals directly, individuals can receive timely and accurate advice on managing their health concerns, leading to a more productive and stress-free life.

Empty the Tank

This is a personal one, but the sentiment behind it would most likely apply to most of us.

I’m a very high energy individual. On the weekends, I enjoy mentally and physically exhausting, high-adrenaline activities like skydiving or racing cars and motorcycles.

Why? Because I’ve found through experience that I need to “empty the tank” in order to regenerate energy and fill it up again.

Does that mean you need to jump out of an airplane this weekend? Absolutely not (although I highly recommend it). 

Your activity may be slower and less demanding, and that’s okay. Just find something that works to empty the tank for you.  

Don’t Story-Build

We’re all guilty of this from time to time. It’s easy to let one small problem or issue snowball into many other what-ifs and hypothetical scenarios. 

This serves no one. 

Let’s imagine you find out an employee is stealing from you. You might be tempted to start thinking about what would happen if more than one was doing that, and that you then wouldn’t be able to keep your business afloat, which would mean you couldn’t support yourself and/or your family, and you would then have to move back in with your parents …

Stress level going up? Feeling anxious?

Stop. Don’t do that. Only deal with what is actually taking place. One employee stealing from you means having to deal with that one employee. Fire him/her. Contact the appropriate authorities if necessary. Hire a replacement.

Never, ever story-build around obstacles and stumbling blocks. 

Don’t Be Afraid to Ignore Conventional Wisdom

Conventional wisdom is just that: conventional. It may work for most of us, but there’s no guarantee it’ll work for all of us.

For me, that meant saying no to meditation. Many people swear by it, and that’s great, for them.

I found it to be too much work, and that only increased my stress. Counterproductive at best, right? So I stopped.

“Relaxing” didn’t work either, as it just led to more thinking about work. I don’t do well with quiet, peaceful activities. 

Spending time with family and loved ones is generally a great idea, but I don’t agree with the advice to increase that time during moments of heightened stress and anxiety. It can create a vicious cycle of feeling worse because you don’t feel better, to say nothing of the fact that they may not want to be around a frustrated, irritable, anxious version of you.

If it works in your experience, fantastic. Have at it. Just recognize that it doesn’t work for everyone.

Conventional wisdom is a good jumping off point, but it is not carved in stone. Try some of it, but stop if it doesn’t get the job done. Don’t stubbornly hang on to routines and advice because it’s conventional. It’ll just make you frustrated and, yes, more stressed.

Stress is a part of life. Thinking you can avoid or control it is only going to lead to more stress. Accept it. Deal with it in the ways it helps you. 

“Stress can actually help you focus better and can be positive. Having small amounts of stress can stimulate you to think. Being able to manage your stress is key.” ~Frank Long

Into every life a little (or a lot) of stress must fall. Recognizing and accepting it are key, as is acknowledging that stress can even be beneficial when properly harnessed. 

Stress happens. But how you deal with and use it makes all the difference. Too much stress is harmful. A little properly used can be a tremendous asset. Your stress level does not define you or your success.  

How do you deal with stress and anxiety? Any tips, tricks, or hacks you’d add to my list? Leave your thoughts in the comments below: