Building Better Sleep Habits: Lessons From 20 Years Of Tossing & Turning

On average, we spend about one-third of our lives sleeping, and upwards of half our time on this big blue marble in bed sleeping, reading, and lounging, etc. 

With numbers like that – to say nothing of sleep’s benefits to our physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing – you’d think we’d prioritize it. Most of us don’t, though.

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.” ~Irish Proverb

In fact, most of us are at least somewhat sleep deprived. Consider:

• 97% of American teenagers get less than the recommended amount of sleep each night.
• More than one-third of adults get less than seven hours of sleep each day. 
• 70% of college and university students don’t get enough sleep.
• Nearly nine million Americans take a prescription sleep aid.
• Between 50-70 million Americans have a sleep disorder like insomnia. 
• Teenagers need 8-10 hours of quality sleep, while adults need 7-9. 
• Insomnia costs U.S. workplaces roughly $63.2 billion annually.
• Less than half of people (47%) report feeling “well rested” during weekdays. That number drops to 41% for those between 18-29 years of age. 
• The annual cost of sleep deprivation in the United States is an estimated $411 billion. 

Humans are the only mammal that will intentionally delay going to sleep when we’re tired. We have trouble sleeping for a wide variety of reasons: too hot, too cold, too loud, too quiet, too bright, and so forth.

We all need to prioritize sleep, and actively ensure we get the recommended amount of quality sleep each and every day, otherwise we will negatively impact our bodies and minds.

Good sleep is paramount. The takeaway? Go to sleep.

But here’s the stumbling block: many of us have poor sleep habits and don’t really know how to ensure a good night’s rest. 

Enter the sleep aid industry, globally worth an estimated $76 billion each year.  

High-tech mattresses, wearable tech, coaching, nap clubs, and more – if you’re looking to spend some money to find a sleep solution, there’s no shortage of options for you. Will they work? Perhaps. Probably. Maybe. 

But you don’t need to throw cash at the problem and buy the latest gadget or product. There’s a lot of solid sleep advice out there that costs little to nothing. 

I’ve struggled with sleep for most of my adult life. The only thing that would put me to sleep was 20 minutes of television on in the background. Eventually, that stretched into 90 minutes or more. 

Stress and anxiety are big culprits here, keeping millions of us awake for part or all of the night. Manage the stress, and your sleep should improve as a byproduct. 

The conventional wisdom tells us to put our phones away, avoid blue light, and not to eat after X o’clock. Those will help despite being a little generic. 

Personally, I reached a point where I wanted real answers and specific solutions to my sleep problems, so in 2018 I started seeing a sleep therapist. By incorporating the habits and lessons below into my life, I was able to overcome my long-standing sleep issues – and now I sleep better than ever before.

Here’s what I discovered. 

Sleep Therapy?

Yes. Sleep therapy. 

Better than prescription drugs that just mask the problem, treatments like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help change your patterns and routines. 

Do you have trouble falling or staying asleep, fatigue, irritability, increased anxiety or depression, poor sleep habits, or insomnia? Sleep therapy might be the solution. If nothing else, it’ll provide valuable insight into your sleep issues.

For me, the sleep therapist helped identify and eliminate bad habits. Together, we introduced good habits one at a time, stacking them as each previous one was fulfilled. In short, I was building a positive sleep habit.

That’s something we all need to do. 

A good routine should start around 30-60 minutes before your bedtime. Dim the lights once you’ve done whatever needs to be done with the lights turned on bright, such as removing contact lenses. Many people swear by a relaxing cup of (caffeine-free) tea or warm milk. 

What you’re doing here is priming your body for sleep. You’re sending signals to your brain that it’s time to wind down, that it’ll soon be time for sleep. No screens, no loud noises, no work.

Because my issues included trouble falling asleep, trouble staying asleep, and being a very light sleeper (I was disturbed by even small noises), I had to build sleep habits to combat those particular problems.   

Good Sleep Habit #1

CBT is about changing our thinking patterns, which in turn changes our feelings and behavior. One of the biggest adjustments many of us need to make – myself included – is that the bedroom should be for sleeping, and only sleeping. 

If you frequently work, read, listen to music, or watch television while in bed (or in your bedroom, period), you’re doing your sleep a tremendous disservice. 

Your brain will associate your bedroom with all of those activities, whereas you want it to associate that room with only one activity: sleeping. 

Eliminate all other activities in the bedroom. Make a sleep sanctuary. If you can’t fall asleep after 30 minutes, don’t just lie there getting frustrated. Get up and start your sleep routine all over again. Leave your bedroom. Go back only when you feel sleepy.

Train your brain that bedroom = sleep. 

This is the first good sleep habit I built, and it helped me fall asleep faster. 

Good Sleep Habit #2

Falling asleep and staying asleep are two very different things, and I struggled with both.

Here’s what worked for me: 

• Place a pen and paper on your nightstand so you can jot down things that pop into your head instead of having to use your phone and its bright screen.
• Empty the miscellaneous thoughts bouncing around your head and keeping you awake or waking you up. Dump them on a page or calendar. They’ll still be there in the morning. 
• Overheating is a very common reason we wake up. Try using a lighter blanket, fan, or the air-conditioner to make the bedroom a more comfortable temperature. Even sticking one foot out from under the covers can assist in lowering your body temperature. 

There is a close connection between sleep and temperature. Too hot or too cold, and it will affect your sleeping. Adjust accordingly.   

Good Sleep Habit #3

Despite your best efforts, there will be times when you do wake up. How you deal with it becomes the difference between quickly falling back to sleep, and restlessly tossing and turning for the rest of the night.

So, to that end, have a couple of sleep exercises in your repertoire; something you can quickly and quietly do from the comfort of your bed to facilitate going to sleep.

Simple multiplication works for me because it’s boring and repetitive. I’d work through the tables – 1×1=1, 1×2=2, 1×3=3, and so on – and I don’t think I ever made it past 3×9=27.

The trick is to occupy your mind before it starts thinking and/or worrying about other things.

If after 30 minutes you’re still awake, get up. Remember good habit #1: the bedroom is only for sleeping. 

Other popular sleep exercises include the classic counting sheep, deep breathing, a mind purge, progressive muscle relaxation, and the military method, amongst many others.

You might even try a little reverse psychology and tell yourself to stay awake. This exercise is known as paradoxical intention, relying on the fact that our mind frequently does the opposite of what we want it to do. While not necessarily an exercise, it is a cool little sleep hack to try out.    

It doesn’t really matter what you do, so long as you have something ready to go. 

“Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I’m reborn.” ~Gandhi

Beyond these three sleep habits, you should focus on getting to bed at a reasonable time – the same time each night – to ensure you get the recommended 7-8 hours. 

If possible, allow your natural body clock to wake you when it’s ready instead of relying on intrusive and startling alarms. You’ll quickly discover your circadian rhythm is very reliable, going “off” at nearly the same time every morning. After all, our ancestors didn’t need an iPhone to get up.

Finally, go to bed when you’re sleepy. Don’t delay because it’s too early or you’d rather watch another episode of your favorite show. Your body is a finely-tuned instrument. Trust it.   

How much sleep is enough? The experts may disagree slightly, but no one knows what you need more than you. Aim for at least seven hours of quality sleep. Keep your bedroom as a “sleep only” zone in your home. Be aware of your temperature needs. Do a mind purge before bed. 

Get better sleep. Your body, mind, and mental health will thank you. 

What’s your go-to fix for trouble sleeping or waking up at night? Leave your ideas in the comments below: